how to ask out a female cashier

I was actually a little traumatized by Alisons advice (although I do really appreciate that she replied and has provided a forum for others to respond) and the first couple of comments (this was much earlier today-I was shocked to see all of the responses that are here now and have just started going through them), so I stopped by a female friends shop today to ask her advice. How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle? Retail employees have to be nice to customers. The way she did it was to grab another waitress and say hey, Id like to give my number to our waiter. I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). It may be true, but I strongly suspect its not, and its a consequence of anecdotal data, how a creepy experience is much more memorable than a dull normal day at work, and so on. Try to see this from her point of view. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Here are some tips on how to ask a cashier out: Take the time to start a conversation. Re 2, though, if you dont know them, surely it is ONLY sexual? I went to the same drive-thru for YEARS and had a crush on the guy who worked there. By entering this site you declare You can deduce from both verbal and nonverbal cues what her feelings towards you are, whether she's friendly because of her professionalism or because she actually wants to be your friend. I don't like asking people out at their workplace, it's her job to be there, I don't want to make it awkward. Well FWIW, I backed off immediately. Hopefully she will respond. If youre 99.9% certain about letting him know youre interested, then fpostes wording is the way to go. So everything is possible but it has a lot to do with the interpersonal chemistry. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Do you think hed be into that? But I didnt love YOU. and some comments like have you ever tried the _____? Do it OP. The problem? Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you I've always found it awkward and uncomfortable when someone has asked me out as opposed to leaving a note for me to choose to respond or not respond privately. I'd say just letting her know you exist, more than simply being a stranger is enough for now. Basically, its not the question that is the problem but the power dynamics and concern for what might happen if you reject them given those power dynamics. But this objection, that there is no other way to meet people besides asking them out when they are WORKING, is pretty silly. It seems pointless to overthink when the answer is either yes or no. Personally, Ive never really liked turning people down in any setting, probably because of my conditioning as a woman in this society, and it just gets weirder and more awkward when Im in customer service/dont upset the customer mode, even if that customer is normal and not some creepazoid that rings every alarm bell of every female on staff. In this case, it's simple: you get rejected. Its hella awkward for them and unlikely that the connection youre feeling is real. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! But I did once have someone hit on me, and to me the difference is generally pretty clear. If she perks up and looks interested, you can respond with something like. For me, this was the least offensive way someone ever 'shopped' for me, because due to professionalism I could just ignore it. Both scenarios happened to me multiple times and it was always uncomfortable and always put me in an intensely awkward situation. Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] As a former retail manager I am ok with my employees going on dates with customers as long as the customer is the one who did the asking. With the acknowledgment that some people may say NOT to ask a cashier out at her work, can I get some ideas from you all assuming that I AM going to ask her out. it's happened to me before, and the guy ended up being my bf for 2 yrs awww.. that was surely sweet. I mean, aside from the 95% factor, she may have a prior engagement that night, so her failure to appear is not even a rejection, and she doesn't want to worry about you feeling like it was. If you're awkward around women, and the cashier is the only girl talking to you in your whooooole entire life, then try shopping in another supermarket. If you run into him somewhere else, that would be fine, though if you got the signals that it would be welcome. Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. Is it just me, or are libraries worse than other environments? Working retail, this happens so, so frequently that it stops being flattering and becomes another work annoyance that you have to deal with, plus the unease of not knowing how someone is going to react if you reject them. I worked retail throughout high school and college. I wrote write my info on a small piece of paper and said something as non-pickup-y as possible: If you want to talk more about photography, heres my info or something. Im in the dont do it camp because if he says no, youll both feel awkward. From a quick skim of the comments, it seems like Im in the minority opinion here (Im a man myself), but two things: 1. They do it every Tuesday and Thursday at 7pm - the admission fee is 5 Euro. Personally I think the heres my number if you would like to talk when you are not at work approach sounds okay, although I totally understand the problem here. Is part of the joke that theyre attempting to steal the line from John Carpenters movie _They Live_? And of course, a lot of people would prefer not to field come-ons while theyre working. Thanks msbadbar, I loved your story, especially about your dad! For example maybe she likes art and you can suggest to her going to an art gallery together. I met my husband in a bar; I met my previous boyfriend at our mutual workplace. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. I was in my 20s and it was my last day at my summer job, so I wouldnt have seen him again, at least not for an entire school year, provided hed still be doing retail the following year. Like, just reading the net, its easy to get the impression that a good 80% of men are creepsters. I need her back. Honestly, I think you get lucky or you dont on meeting people. I also had people hang around the cash register after I had finished ringing them up try to continue to talk to me. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Asking her out directly seems like a bad idea. Instead, in these situations, I've found something that works much better for both of you. During yo He has been active in the world of showbusiness for, Press the Options/Menu button on your controller and select Quit Story Mission and then restart from the chapter selection screen. That is a concern I had thought of. That is classic. (Im female, btw, and the employee in question is male. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. If he say, Oh, rats! One was reeeally bad: the guy saw this woman at Target (they were both customers) and saw her in the parking lot and asked if she needed a ride because it didnt look like she was walking to her car. Let them know why they caught your eye and why spending time together would be fun. And youre right. Thanks very much for your thoughtful comment. I know I can just walk up to her and be like "you're cute, wanna go out?" -he remembered her each time, knew and remembered details about her (where she worked, what her schedule was like, her name), etc. There's a lot of bickering over culture here: I'm from the Netherlands, female, currently 26 years old. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. * #notallmenobviously, note the qualifier. Poor, oblivious Husband. Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. Last sentence should read: Id be flattered, even if I was NOT interested. Even if you think this guy might really like you, youre going to have to take it slow. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. I may have spent several hours of my life yelling, YES OF COURSE SHE DOES THAT IS HER JOB at my computer. What are the advantages of running a power tool on 240 V vs 120 V? Result: He emailed me that night, and we struck up a friendship, but never dated. To clarify, I was talking about adult students, but still. Then we had an interesting conversation about her other job (comic artist), and I left with her phone number. I would not go to a private residence alone if I hadnt hung out with someone before. Most importantly, if you see that she doesn't want to engage in a conversation with you, do not insist. but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested This crap makes me want to flip tables. I think he was banned from campus finally because I never saw him again. She flushed, returned the change, and caressed my hand in return. I generally agree that it is usually best not to ask people out at work. Here, you're just leaving a breadcrumb trail. Its just as uncomfortable and frustrating. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Would you be interested in going out sometime?. The women always gave me their number and let it be known they werent doing anything on Thursday or whatever. listen to him, and definitely good to go for a free mean with a guy that's not a creeper!! It is a safe bet that they're all just doing their job. Youre the second person to mention Facebook. Thats exactly how Id do it. Hardly altruism; that works in mens' favor too. Absolutely. And there was no pressing and he never followed up when I didnt call. Or include a 'Text me/Call me' in the note, and don't say anything at all (this might be more innocuous and have the same effect, since all the flirting up till now has been unspoken, you might want to carry that on). The "honey" and "dear' is a southern thing. TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. One thing. https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Ive been pondering this exact situation, in regards to the guy at the corner store I go to. She will expect you, on next visit, to quiz her about "did you come?" But STILL. The customer may never know if the employee wasnt interested or just couldnt make it, which can be tough, but it also means the customer cant take it personally. Sure. And each creep is going to make contact with every victim that he possibly can, perhaps more than once. So no matter how nice you think you are, you could reasonably make a flirtee feel uncomfortable and trapped into responding to you. 15 years ago when I worked in retail customers asked me out all the time. I guess Im just a bit pessimistic in that it rarely happens that way. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. A better idea would be to go b No. Say it in a way that shows you mean it--smile and look (2) He maintained professionalism through the drill, however, and never so much as asked her name during the drill. As a man whos been asked out 4 times by clients, I say go for it! Acknowledge their feelings and thank them for being honest with you. I was so, so embarrassed and hung up the phone immediately. You won't know where to stop and it'll turn creepy. How To Restart Mission Rdr2? I also want to say DONT DO IT! Ive never worked in retail and dont really have the personality where I would feel comfortable asking somebody out first, but I really like these stories! WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? If you are standing in a queue and the cashier is chatting with the person in front, if you try to interrupt, you are considered to be either in a desperate rush (which would be highly irregular) or pretty rude. That said I think that the fact that you know it could be awkward speaks well of you, OP. But its still a business interaction. with a side of awkward (sorry, I play for team rainbow, but good luck to you). When asking out a cashier, one should be aware that there is always a chance of rejection. Its really helping me to figure out what to do (and Ive been debating this with myself for awhile now) and Im really grateful that so many people chose to respond. He was 20 and I was 32. There's no freedom of motion for her. Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? Now I tend to err on the side of it is their job to be nice and their job is shitty enough without you slipping them your number so short of them jumping in my lap I just let it go. How to ask a store clerk to leave you alone without being rude? I think the difference was that while he complimented me plenty, it was never about my appearance or anything physical. Boy do I have horror stories. They have to smile and pretend like everything you say is hilarious and engage in chitchat. She may feel like she has to accept or decline right there. Please dont hit on retail employees. (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. We met for coffee, later for a meal, and while we never became a couple, we did end up being best friends and we still are to this day. As someone who works in customer service and is literally paid to be nice to you, please dont do it. At the end of the day, Im with Captain Awkward. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. No luck again today =( maybe its because I'm actually looking for her as opposed to noticing her when she around.if that makes sense. He will also talk to you. We laughed and decided best to keep things at friendly store chats. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. Idiot. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. Whatever. But regardless of where the pendulum swings, they are stuck behind that counter, so theres a power issue. Fair chance you'll get a "Oh, I'll put it up for you" or "We don't have one, but I'll put it in the staff break room". I felt like if something could prod him to say that, I must not have imagined it.). Don't make it awkward. THAT IS NOT ME FLIRTING OR LEADING YOU ON, THAT IS ME DOING MY JOB. Back to this cashier girl. One day, I put the money in her hand, and tickled her palm. A: Be direct and sincere when asking the cashier out. Which really just makes things more complicated, since theres no way for sure to know his crushs sexual orientation (something heterosexual would-be workplace-suitors should also keep in mind) and theres sadly more potential for the reaction to be negative if hes wrong. Im not going to say to absolutely not do it, but I recommend asking him out somewhere other than his job if you see him elsewhere. Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. I agree with everything you said. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former.. I remember the last time we were shopping at an REI a lady cashier (Im guessing who also assists with the wall-climbing area) was talking to a guy (I think who also works at the wall-climbing area too). How do I tactfully ask a close friend out? It puts me in an awkward position, and moreover, I dont want to feel sexualized at work. The customer could respond in a perfectly reasonable manner after being turned down, but the employee will still be extremely nervous about the exchange. interviewing with a service dog in my lap, boss thinks Im a stonerbecauseI called out on 4/20, and more, I desperately need breaks between my back-to-back meetings, I manage a gay employee and our company is homophobic, a coworker told me I talk too much, Im still ruminating over a job I didnt take, and more, should I invite my team to my home for dinner, will my company expect me to work with my ex, and more, after I hired someone, a mutual friend told me Id made a huge mistake. Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). Canadian of Polish descent travel to Poland with Canadian passport. (Well, I guess it was scandalous when marriages were arranged so okay, normal since women got agency.). factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out Any bashing, hateful attack He also said if that he would be interested in going out with me if they actually broke up. Please refrain. Oh sorry, I'm a little distracted, I'm trying to get in the zone. I only said yes once, mostly because he was polite, unassuming, and I did not feel harassed for a change. If you are really interested and you think this guy could be something really special then there is a gentle way to go about it. Its normal. Hitting on people who depend on you for tips is low. I dont feel shes in love with me anymore even when she says shes still does My girlfriend says she we need a break? Citation please Im genuinely interested in this, Studies have actually found that men are just as capable as women at understanding nonverbal communication/soft nos. One dude at the bank I worked at in college asked me out over the intercom in the drivethru tellers lane and then got angry because I smiled and wished him a nice day whenever he came by. If you cant meet a stranger in a public coffee shop on your own, how on earth is internet dating supposed to work? @sphennings - I outlined a gentle first step towards getting together with a person of interest outside work, in a public venue. I was a bartender for many years and the worst thing about my job was the endless flirting and customers asking me out on dates. Thanks! I don't believe I do haha. But what happens after, due to the dynamics of her life is, every time I go to that damn shop, she will feel somewhat at unease. She either says yes or no, and if no you honorably and politely take the rejection. I guess the sexy librarian thing does not help in that respect either :(((. This x a million. Do your own research to find contact information; dont rely on the phone number printed on the check. And a lot of the general public gets that mixed up with actual proper social interactions, where both parties can leave the conversation any time they want. And I am interested in this person is not exactly placing the Objective Viewpoint Ray on high beams in illuminating whether the nice person at the store is, in fact, genuinely interested. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. While I've known this girl she has blocked or otherwise shut out countless guys trying the same thing and that could easily have been me as well. We go out in public with strangers all the time after all. You need to determine if hes being friendly because its his job, because hes naturally flirty, or because hes actually interested in you. Because to answer the question, there are plenty of opportunities to meet people in the real world that dont rely on one person having to be nice to the other for the sake of their job. My brother-in-law met the woman hes about to propose to when he was an employee at a grocery store and she was a customer. I had to over-analyze every word that came out of my mouth so as not to sound too friendly or encouraging. How Old Is Al Haitham Genshin? But see how youve mentally filed this under social interactions? She thought he was attractive and they got on well. So if you arrive and dump your emotional train wreck on her, like drop to your knees, pull out the guitar and go full-on Romeo on her, she'll have to stay put and silently cringe -- "G'aaah not again!" I think that is the difference. What I say may sound weird to some, but you can actually be cool and nice to women without any second thoughts. Is there any known 80-bit collision attack? Thats the point for the worker, its a business interaction. I work at Barnes and Noble, and I am shocked at how often I get hit on/asked out. I dont what it is about retailperhaps the forced friendliness-but it just seems like everyone thinks were dying for dates and I would get asked out constantly. It has majorly given way to the You brought me my omelet and now were SOULMATES crowd, orat least in my citypeople not-so-discreetly trying to find prostitutes they used to, uh, frequent (that came out awful, but I dont know how else to put it). Q: What should I do after taking a cashier on a date? Give her an easy way out. Correct If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. I think the thing here, is thatlike someone posted upthreadhitting on versus asking out and what constitutes the line between them is subjective. is it unprofessional to have hickeys at work? Dudes dont have to be horny to ask a girl out brodette. I work in a library so I dont have any other environment to compare it to but there are students who do not understand boundaries and do not understand the difference between friendly customer service and flirting. All of my long term relationships have come from mutual friends or activity groups. The point to all of that is, it is possible to hit on/ask a retail worker out without being creepy. Remember that she has to be somewhat friendly with you, don't force her to behave friendly against her will with someone she sees as a creep. The girl in the booth at the post office will also talk to you. As several others already have replied - it depends where you are and the (as yet) unknown chemistry between you and the cashier. If youve been hit on/propositioned once a shift for the past month, that one guy who is genuinely kind and interested in getting to know you is just going to be added to the SERIOUSLY! To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers. Some people can make it work, sometimes. Its great to know that youd be flattered (even if not interested)! By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. Thats how its been done forfreakingever. Try to greet incoming customers within 30 seconds. How does this answer the OP's question about how to ask a cashier out for a date? Make yourself stupid by doing Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. But this isnt two people meeting in public. Its public for the customer but a workplace for the employee. I mean if I forgot something I wouldve just gone in and said, I forgot this and say my goodbyes again. I dont know if I get hit on very often, Probably not since most of the male customers are either 5 years younger then me or at least 15 years older then me. Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. Maybe we could get cheese fries on another day, then you know. just joking. I object to singling out women. This is exactly what I was coming here to post. If you dont call well forget this ever happened.. Its not only retail I was once asked out repeatedly by the older brother of one of my students! Archived post. A lot of comments here are from women saying they get hit on non-stop (and I dont doubt that) but I dont think that really happens to guys (with the except of a select few). Dont forget to sit with a coin between your knees! Ive seen this debated in a number of places around the net over the years. With this knowledge in mind, she's common-senseley (making up words!) Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. OMG yes. I didnt know there was a section in Craigslist like that. Either she's attracted to you, and you create the circumstances where things will happen, or she is not attracted, and you move on. everyone involved was confident that if she had declined, that would be the end of it. Please. Be prepared, your number might end up in the bin with a dramatic gesture, putting you on the spot right then and there, you might be labeled a creep and denied access to the store, depending on how much this tends to upset her. And yes, some people take outright rejection very badly. The ones that I find the creepiest start out with, I know Im probably too old for you It definitely impacts what might feel flattering versus intrusive when you come from a male context, where there isnt the automatic feeling of what do you want?

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